Yep, too lazy to maintain this and the tumblr. I have made the cyber Sophie's Choice and the tumblr won.

My dad and sister's birthday was Monday

Monday morning around 10 AM, I called my dad to wish him a happy birthday.

Me: Happy Birthday. You are old. Do you feel kind of dead yet?

My Dad: Yes, thanks for asking. You still get all my records in the will. Did you wish your sister a happy birthday yet?

Me:  Yes, I sent her a picture of my ass this morning and told her I hoped her day was horrible.

My Dad: Did you seriously do that? Actually never mind, stupid question. Of course you did.

Best Christmas Ever

Unparalleled choreography + old people + flash mob = Best Thing Ever

When The Associate and I finally retire, this is the sort of thing I am planning on doing to fill our empty days.



Also, all old men in nursing homes: Take note- the dude to chick ratio in this clip is highly in your favor. If you want to be a hit with the ladies, flash mobs to Glee songs are the way to go.

My Favorite Twitters

https://twitter.com/#!/shitgirlssay

http://twitter.com/whitegrlproblem

Read them

Richard Ruined Christmas

I really love Christmas. The weeks between Thanksgiving and the end of December are about the only time of  year when I'm consistently upbeat and almost obnoxiously cheerful for extended periods of time. Our apartment looks like Christmas vomited all over it and the second any classic Christmas movie or cartoon comes on the TV, I drop everything to watch it with intensity totally unnecessary for programming intended for 5 year olds.

The Associate and I were driving to Central Market for provisions last week, and I had on the radio station playing Christmas music 24 hours a day, every day. (Quick side note- it's unfortunately the same station that has Delilah as the host. I want to throat punch her, even at my cheeriest, blech). I try not to sing along to most of the songs, as my voice is apparently offensive and grating to The Associate's snobby, choir-trained ears, but then this song came on and I just couldn't help myself: I love love love it.



So there I was, happily bouncing around in the car and doing my best to spread my infectious seasonal spirit to Richard The Scrooge when we got to this part of the song:

"Ho ho the mistletoe

Hung where you can see

Somebody waits for you

Kiss her once for me!"

I decided that it would be SO CUTE if I surprise sneak kissed Richard's cheek when we got to the last line (I wasn't kidding about the obnoxiously cheerful part). So I got all prepared and was about to launch myself at him when his hand shot up to block his face and he said very loudly, "NO!"

I froze. My eyes got huge. And then I started simultaneously laughing and sobbing. 

I really can't explain why I decided it was a good time to cry. In general, only 3 things can bring me to tears:

• All children's cartoon movies (specifically Land Before Time, Bambi, Fox and the Hound, and Little Mermaid)
• Any ASPCA commercial or Animal Cops-ish TV show
• I can't even think of a 3rd because I am that insensitive

It had certainly been a very long time since Richard had seen me cry, which probably explains why he looked terrified and immediately started yelling, "I'll kiss you!! I'll kiss you!! Why are you crying??!! I'll kiss you, okay??!!"

At this point, I was no longer in control of anything my body was doing. I couldn't stop laughing because I was genuinely amused by his ability to read my mind, anticipate my actions, and shut them down.. And I couldn't stop crying because.... I have no idea. I think maybe the surprise of getting stopped in my tracks in the midst of my giddy Christmas sing along just made my brain have some sort of system overload resulting in the hysterical laughing and sobbing. That or maybe my body was so shocked by the appearance of actual tears that it wanted to just keep it going, kind of like when snow falls in Texas and we never want it to end. 

It took me a few minutes, but after flinging my wiped off tears at him and hissing, "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!" (me still giggling, him still looking scared out of his mind), I got a hold of myself.. But I informed him that all I wanted for Christmas was a new boyfriend who appreciated my singing and dancing skills as well as my spontaneous holiday kisses!! He rolled his eyes and wished me luck. It did not make me feel very holly or jolly at all :(

The end.

**I'm supposed to include a disclaimer that Richard is not a horrible person and I was not in any way emotionally scarred or abused as a result of his actions. I promise, I thought the whole thing was really funny, especially when he genuinely felt badly for making me cry. P*ssy.**

I hope your Friday night is just as wild

This is amazing.